Casual Evangelist

A mission to learn a little about a lot…

Cloverfield Review

Posted by Andrew on January 19, 2008

Spoiler Alert: If you are intent on wasting your money to see this movie, don’t continue.

Plot: A handful of self-absorbed millennials videoblog about how a 10-story-tall monster demolishing Southern Manhattan is ruining their love lives.

Cinematography: Handheld camcorder style. If you can’t hold the camera steady at a going-away party, you can’t hold it steady when being chased by a bunch of alien crab creatures. Prepare to squint.

Crab Creatures: The writers felt that a 10-story-tall monster wasn’t scary enough. Why not have alien crab creatures sprout from the monster’s skin to add a critical “zombie” element to the movie (with obligatory “bite wound” repercussions)? Zombie movies seem to be hip these days.

The Hiroshima-9/11 Connection. Godzilla was a play on the Japanese’ national “post-nuclear” psyche. Cloverfield’s images play on American’s post 9/11 psyche. Oh, and the lead character was moving to Japan (hence the “going away party”).

What Are They? Who knows…except maybe the federal government. But since the movie is limited strictly to the video blog of the lead characters, we never find out. The quickness with which the army had tanks in position in Manhattan to do battle tells me that the government must be at least somewhat complicit in this awful movie.

The movie clocks in at 80 minutes and feels like 60 minutes.

Conclusion: Shitfield.

I saw the movie with a few social media peeps, including Aaron Brazell, who wrote this review of the movie.

UPDATE #2: As Aaron reminds me, this movie did give us one hell of a term: “Hammerdown Protocol.” I will certainly be using this in business situations in the near future.


One Response to “Cloverfield Review”

  1. VAG said

    “I saw the movie with a few social media peeps…”

    heh. there it is. thx.

    why are the biters (nod to Alien, etc.) tracking HUD (“heads up display”), err, Hudson? zombies? DUDE! watch what his love interest drops right before the final stab. she was about to pop, they all knew it, and her belly blows up a fraction of a second before the last srtike 2 her. the giver of that little sharp gift even reaches down 2 the ground to pick up the new “gift 2 the world” a fraction of a second after it blows out of her flipping belly.

    “maybe it was looking for a queen”….. but the little ones were dragging Hud back and only bit the girrrl when she came swinging with the pip3 2 save him. she needed to save someone. she was LOST the whole movie.

    yepper, u win the furry bear w/the 9-11 commment(s). not sure if anyone missed that, but u got it, mang. u just passed up on the rest of the flick. yes, it IS “our” Godzilla. but u missed a hunk of the point. ok OK ok, BUT u also put this up online (not really sure if anyone else will find it, but hey, @ least one person did! kudos!) and left out a !@#$ton of the point.

    that is flawed and a bit unworkable.

    more later…… xxxooo ((Hello,)) h@wk3y3_6 (((!)))

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